Not Impressed.

Or more specifically, "What to Expect When You Can't Rely on Hollywood to Make a Good Movie about Pregnancy".

Perhaps I was being too optimistic going into this cinematic experience, thinking that a movie named after a very popular informational book would have any relevance to women's experiences in pregnancy. I think it was a poor move for Heidi whatserface to align herself with a movie in which none of the actresses featured as pregnant had ever given birth to their own child. This is not the actresses' fault, as it's my guess that anyone who ever actually had a kid flat out said "no" to the job.

Elizabeth Banks--at least she has a kid, but it was through a surrogate mother.

Brooklyn Decker--wants to adopt, but hasn't to the internet's knowledge.

Anna Kendrick is 26, which is like 17 in actress years. No babies.

Cameron Diaz was perhaps the least convincing of all, for most reasons.

Ironically, Jennifer Lopez has 4 year old twins, but plays a woman considering adoption with her husband. Could've saved Cameron Diaz some trouble.

If you're newly pregnant, or late in pregnancy, or respect people who have ever gone through an actual pregnancy, don't see this movie. It basically highlights everything the American woman fears about being pregnant and delivering a baby. Being informed and prepared, but having an emergency c-section. Being physically fit, determined and confident in your body until you go into labor, at which time you become a screaming idiot. Being young and unprepared and having a miscarraige. Or not being able to conceive at all.

The cheap laughs are at the oldest and most well-known cliches in the book, which no one would have to read to understand. There is about a 30-second monologue of relatable honesty given by Elizabeth Banks' character, where she talks about emotions and backne and hemorrhoids while crying in front of a large audience in a unicorn shirt, but it's a brief relent from the obvious garbage displayed in every other scene.

What to expect based on this movie:
At least one scary scenario
You might throw up once, if you're unlucky
You won't slow down until you're 8 months pregnant doing lunges on the street
If you grow and fart and cry, you're the weird one, but you'll get lots of hits on YouTube
It's possible that you can carry twins for 7 months and still wear 6-inch heels
You'll be so tired that you'll even sleep through your husband driving a golf cart through a wall

Although the last one is true, it's safe to say that learning points are weak.
Enjoy your popcorn.