PREGGY PANTS

Check these babies out.

Cobalt blue, skinny, PREGO PANTS--complete with no discernable fly apparatus whatsoever.

No beltloops, no buttons, no zippers (but still four pockets!!). And BEST of all--NO ABDOMINAL PRESSURE. It's even better than wearing leggings.

I actually bought these a week ago, and began wearing them right away, because even though I don't have a huge bump to show, I do tend to unbutton my pants if I'm in the car for five minutes or longer, so I felt it was time to invest. I also ended up getting one of those spandex tubes that allows you to secure your unbuttoned/unzipped regular pants without being exposed--it looks just like you're wearing a white cami under your shirt--awesome!

Frank was gracious enough to observe me at the Tangier Outlet's Motherhood Maternity store while I criticized and applauded various clothing designs. I plucked a few from the clearance racks to try on, and awkwardly called him to the dressing room between wardrobe changes.

In the room, they had this HORRIBLE, mishapen bump/pillow that velcro'd behind your back to try on, apparently to help you diagnose what your clothes will look like on you after a steady, 6-month-prenatal-diet of toxic waste. This prompted me to--of course--try it on, but also to laugh super awkwardly, and then to suddenly feel very uncomfortable altogether, which I attempted to communicate with Frank.

"HAHA--this thing is GROSS--it doesn't look anything like a normal bump. Bleeeeh....HAHA... Sorry, I'm being weird--every time you come over here I say something weirder than the last time."[shaking head, shaking head]

"Ehh, you're okay--I'll let you know when it's getting weird."

I acted weird the rest of the time we were there, half-feeling like I shouldn't be in there, but knowing otherwise--Frank of course was helpful in making sure I didn't end up in the fetal position in the storage room after over-thinking things.

Listen here, Mom-store employees! I'm a pregnant lady! SORRY if I'm so skinny! I demand stretchy pants! (author's note: the people at the store were perfectly cordial. Any incredulous looks were only existant in my scary daydreams.)

"Are you serious? You don't even look pregnant"

Like the first day at a new school--I'm not sure if everyone thinks I belong there, but I'm glad I went, because I did make friends...with a pair of blue pants.