Pregnant dress shopping

As I wrote in an earlier post, my best friend is getting married 2 days before my due date, and I am the maid of honor.

"Good luck getting to that wedding."...
"We'll see about that."...
"HA--Good luck."

These are just a few of the many highly optimistic jeers I've received upon telling people about this event. They have not phased me, and I am going into this with no qualms about committing to being there. I just ordered my $250 maternity-style dress, shown below, in petal pink. Lovely!



Brief excerpt from the fitting:
Woman who I instantly disliked: "Let's measure your waist next, although that's just going to disappear anyway, isn't it!!"
Me: Ha. ha. [will you leave now?]

Bride-to-be confirms that the woman said all of the wrong things to absolutely everyone the whole time we were there, and I manage to shake it off.

3 days later--voice mail from (thankfully) a different, very nice lady confirming 9-months pregnant sizing calculations:
"Hi there, this is [nice lady] from [nice dress shop], just wanted you to know that I'm going to place the order for your dress, and I'm going to place it in a size 16, because you know, you're going to have milk in there, and you'll need a little extra room. Just give me a call to let me know that that's okay, Thank youuu."

Me: SIX-TEEN? No. That can't be right. That lady measured over my bra, and I probably won't even wear one for the wedding. No. That's too big. I'm calling her--sixteen? No, not sixteen, that's huge.

[Frank remains silent as I dial, still mumbling.]

Phone call to dress shop:
Nice Lady: Hello, Nice Dress Shop
Me: Hiii, is this Nice Lady?
Nice Lady: Yes, it is--
Me: Hiii, you just left me a message about ordering my dress?
Nice Lady: Oh, yes, glad you called.
Me: Yeah.. I'm just a little worried that sixteen is going to be too big. I mean, I'm only an 8-10 right now, and--I just think it's really big.
NL: 8/10 in real dress sizes?

[Note: Real dress sizes are evil, tending to run anywhere from 2 to 10 sizes smaller than the clothes you wear every day. You would think that dress makers would want to make their clients feel great on the special days they're shopping for, not make them feel like whales...You would think.]

Me: [remembers how real dress sizes work] UGHHH, REAL dress sizes...[unsure of what else to say]
NL: Because if you're an 8/10 in real life, you're probably a 12 in dress size, and your bust measured a size 14, and we want to give you some extra room, because the way we aaare, you're going to, you know, you'll have milk in there.
Me: Ugh, I forgot about real dress sizes. The more we talk about this, the more 16 sounds okay.
NL: Yeaaah. We just want to make sure we can zip it up, because the rest of it can stay big.
Me. [Resigns completely] You're right...keep the 16.
NL: Alright, honey. We'll let you know when it comes in, thanks for calling.
[click]

Me: UUUGH I'm going to wear a SIX-TEEEN.
Frank: It's just a number, you just want it to fit you, right?
Me: Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So there it is. I've invested 250 Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers in a dress larger than has ever humanly fit me, with full intent to wear a diaper underneath it. [It's going to be a long day, and I WILL NOT pee myself on the dance floor.]

Despite what will be the odd circumstances, and what seems like quite a gamble, I really, honestly have a good feeling about it. So just get on my team, and get excited about my giant dress, K? Good talk.